6 Tips for improving the Relationship You Have with Yourself
My relationship with myself has always been a struggle. I had a traumatic childhood and used to blame myself for how I was treated. Years of therapy and self-reflection have helped me realize and accept that things were entirely out of my control and I'm not responsible for other people's behavior. My journey toward self-love and acceptance is ongoing; some days are better than others. If anything, my past has made me the strong woman I am today! As Black women, we live in a society that often places unrealistic expectations on us. We are expected to be strong, independent, and self-sufficient while dealing with institutionalized racism, misogynoir, and societal pressures. With all this external noise, it can be easy to forget that our relationship with ourselves is the most important. It's the foundation for all other relationships we have in our lives. Here are 6 tips for improving your relationship with yourself. This year I've focused on setting boundaries, celebrating my accomplishments, and being kind to myself.
1. Practice Self-Care: Self-care is more than just taking bubble baths or getting your nails done. It's about carving out time for yourself daily to connect with your body, mind, and soul. Whether meditating, walking, or simply reading a book by yourself, make time for yourself a priority.
2. Set Boundaries: It's easy to say yes to every request, but sometimes saying no is necessary. It's important to set boundaries and stick to them. This means not working overtime when you know you need to rest, saying no to plans when you need time alone, or not being afraid to speak up when someone is disrespecting your boundaries. I still struggle with boundaries sometimes, but I'm getting better at it.
3. Celebrate Your Accomplishments: Celebrating your accomplishments, no matter how small can help boost your confidence and improve your relationship with yourself. So take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your wins. It could be something as small as finishing a difficult task at work or accomplishing a personal goal you've been working towards. I used to be terrible at celebrating my accomplishments, but now I keep a "brag" folder and reference it anytime my confidence is low.
4. Be Kind to Yourself: It's easy to be our worst critics, but being kind to yourself is crucial. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on. Don't beat yourself up over things you can't control. Holding onto past mistakes or regrets can create negative feelings toward ourselves. It's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes and that they don't define who we are as a person.
5. Learn to say "I Love You" to yourself: This may seem silly, but learning how to say "I love you" to yourself is powerful. Stand in front of a mirror and say "I love you" to yourself daily, if possible. I don't do this every day, but I try to do it often. It may feel strange initially, but it's a form of self-affirmation that can help you appreciate yourself more. Check out the book The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit by Mel Robbins. It's one of the best books out there about self-love and acceptance.
6. Spend Time with Yourself: It's okay to enjoy your own company! Take yourself out on a date, watch a movie, or cook yourself a nice meal. Learning to have fun alone can help you feel more comfortable with yourself, leading to a stronger relationship. I love my husband, but he understands I cherish and need my alone time. There are days when I just need to be myself.
In a world that often tells Black women we're not good enough, our relationship with ourselves is more critical than ever. When we love and respect ourselves, we set the tone for how we want to be treated by others, prioritize our well-being, and grow as individuals. Improving your relationship with yourself is a journey, and it takes time, effort, and intentionality, but it's worth the investment. By prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, being kind, and spending time with yourself, you'll be on your way to a stronger relationship with yourself. Remember, you are worthy of love and care from yourself; make it a priority.
Iād love to know how you practice self-love, drop me a line in the comments!